Not writing for awhile brings me back to the last day I walked Le Chemin with Erika last July. The hottest day, we struck out at water refill locations, so I was rationing the last few sips in my water bottle. “You're pretty quiet, Mom.” I think I responded that I was putting every ounce of energy into putting one foot in front of the other and not making myself thirstier. Turning inward. I've done some of that along the way recently, rationing energy for healing, perhaps.
Tomorrow is round #6 of the harder chemo (the 4-drug cocktail). More importantly, it is the LAST one before going to a 1-drug routine! I am thrilled to be checking this one off. (Of course, it's a bit like family members saying they've done a load of laundry when it's still in the dryer. It's not done 'til it's folded and put away, if you ask the momma. This chemo round won't be 'done' until a couple weeks of side effects are behind me. But still.)
A couple weeks ago I was invited to share a bit about this journey with the confirmation students. So many thoughts, not a lot of time, and a 7th and 8th grade audience . . . Hmmm. So here's what I tried to say:
I got this news the week of my favorite holiday, Thanksgiving. Nice holiday downer. Of course, I've been graced throughout with so many gifts, one of them the reminder there is always something to be thankful for. (Colossians 3 . . . And be thankful.) I almost immediately began receiving lovely cards, with perfectly worded encouragements, well-chosen Scripture, or simple words like I've got your back. I started the pictured scrapbook, thinking I'd read them over on the hard days. Well I long ago ran out of scrapbook. And cards keep coming. Thank you.
This detour has revealed the body of Christ, the community of faith, to be a beautiful thing. I've always known that, but now I'm living it. My prayer life has been pretty steady throughout, yet, it's also been haphazard, and some days, I just don't have it. But the people around me do! Someone will tell me they pray for me every day, and that has never meant more to me, or felt more necessary, than when I can't put together a prayerful thought. Wrapped in a literal prayer shawl and the prayers, meals, kindnesses, of so many, I have felt truly carried by you all. Again, the church as gift has come alive in a new way.
And finally, what can be a frightening season is simply not-as-scary-as-you-might-think when you have lived into a strong, or even modest faith in God. I love Psalm 16. Verse 8 ~ I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.
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writing along the way 